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Old 03-13-2009, 03:15 PM   #131 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
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Location: Rochester, NY
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Default What I want

Im trying something different; no stanza breaks. some advice, please?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I want to escape the bigots who
chain me here,
who handcuff
my wrists to a chair.
I want to die on
my feet,
feel the wind on
my face
as I turn towards
my Father.
I want to die in her arms
with her fingers stroking
my hair.
I want to escape with you into the summer
feel the grass between
my toes
and feel you standing right beside me.
Though it may be a sin you are all that I want
now and forever.
Amen.
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Old 03-13-2009, 03:24 PM   #132 (permalink)
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what i want is a guarantee.
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:26 PM   #133 (permalink)
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darkcornerinthecloset:

If you continue to post in this forum only then your posts are effectively spam and will be dealt with as per MB rules.
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:38 PM   #134 (permalink)
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Taking into consideration what Jackhammer said,

Darkcorner:
It may be advantageous of you to try a poetry forum if your only interest is getting solid advice regarding poetry.
You'll find better suited opinion and experience in a place where you don't have to worry about "contributing" elsewhere in a forum that holds no interest for you.
I'm not bagging on the rules here, nor am I kissing mod a$$, but in your best interests, you'd be better served in a writing/poetry forum if your only interests are posting poetry... Otherwise, you run the risk of getting banned from this forum and losing your outlet.
I figured I'd tell you that so you could understand how you could be better benefited, because it doesn't seem like the authority has time to touch base on a level beyond impersonally enforcing a static rule... Even though that rule is totally valid.

Just a thought.
Check out your options man.
You could thrive in an environment suited for what you're trying to do.
Unfortunately, this is not that environment.
If you need help finding something that works for you, let me know.
I'm more than willing to help.
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Last edited by Freebase Dali; 03-13-2009 at 04:46 PM.
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Old 03-13-2009, 04:42 PM   #135 (permalink)
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thank you, ill look into both of those
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Old 03-14-2009, 11:59 AM   #136 (permalink)
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Psh, yeah right! Then you'd have to apply constructive critisism!
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Old 03-15-2009, 10:55 AM   #137 (permalink)
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Default i really dont like my title

Inner Voices

i look into the mirror
what are you looking for
i see no change from this
constant,
unending,
monotony
of me
get a life
well, son, iíve got one
and it may not be the best
but it sure as hell ainít the worst
and i could climb higher or fall to my death
stay where you are
i donít think i will, thanks
donít take the risk
well, iíll risk what i want
itís my own neck
and iím done listening to you
no donít go!
iím facing my demons
conquering my fear of heights
iím leaving home
and conquering you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
in my poem, is it obvious that the speaker in italics is a voice in the protagonists head, or do i need to come right out and say it in the title like i have it now? opinions, please?
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Old 03-17-2009, 04:45 AM   #138 (permalink)
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It seems to me the reader you have a heavy burden, your carrying on your shoulders.
In time it will become a cushion.Have you tried yoga.
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Old 03-18-2009, 11:48 AM   #139 (permalink)
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I think it is fairly obvious, but that may just be me. I am cheered that you see how inaction and fear of chance can paralyze.....kudos to you for facing your fears and embracing change, no matter the risk.....takes courage...believe in yourself...
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Old 03-18-2009, 06:33 PM   #140 (permalink)
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thank you, but although it is first person it is not my perspective; it is someone i know. thanks a lot for your comment about the title. i thought it was too, but as i wrote it i understood the thought process behind it, and when i have a subconscious bias it clouds my judgment on anything i write.
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