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05-18-2009, 01:29 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: London
Posts: 4
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Georgia94's Songwriting Journal
need some help and advice on how to improve this song cause it is pretty crap right now thanks x Its All About Her im trying to hold on to my life but its so god damn hard right now you dont make it any easier for me cause all i ever hear you say is why cant you be more like her getting her straight A's why cant you talk more like her its i dont mind not i dont care thats what she'd say its all about her im holding my feelings back from you i just want you to treat me the same and love me the way i am cause all i ever hear you say is why cant you be more like her getting her straight A's why cant you talk more like her its i dont mind not i dont care thats what she'd say its all about her ( x2 ) its all about her Everyone says ive changed i didnt see it at first but now i realize thats why im alone its cause ive changed its cause ive changed and i guess its made it worse made my life worse why cant you be more like her getting her straight A's why cant you talk more like her its i dont mind not i dont care thats what she'd say its all about her its all about her ( x4 ) |
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05-18-2009, 01:32 PM
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#2 (permalink) |
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myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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Not Bad,
you may want to read this: http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...e-posting.html is this song about your sister?
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//\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V  //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :) Last edited by Stone Birds; 05-18-2009 at 01:39 PM. |
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05-18-2009, 01:38 PM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Juicious Maximus III
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Scabb Island
Posts: 6,525
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Grats on getting your own songwriting journal. If you wanna post any other songs, just do it in this thread!
Your song strikes me as incredibly teen angsty. It's like it's a message to your mom about how she's always treated your sister better and now you're so fed up with it you feel like cutting yourself. I can't relate to that and I can't say I like it .. But I'm trying to be constructive. How about using some metaphors or add a little more lyrical quality? You know, make something that would sound nice if you sung it or paint some pictures with your words.
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Something Completely Different |
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05-18-2009, 01:43 PM
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#4 (permalink) |
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myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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That's kinda what i was thinking but without the long paragraph
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//\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :) |
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05-18-2009, 03:39 PM
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#6 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: London
Posts: 4
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Loves Reality
loves Reality is song i wrote a few months ago and i got bored so i sung it then chipmunked it lol but would be great to know what you think of the lyrics
x x (it wont let me post the link :@ lol) but just add the www section! youtube.com/watch?v=y5muze60MjY |
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05-18-2009, 03:49 PM
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#7 (permalink) |
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myspace.com/stonebirdies
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Conor Oberst Was/is Here
Posts: 1,401
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This ones funny
YouTube - Kerry and Georgia =]
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//\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V //\\//\\/\\/\/\/\\\\\\\\///\/\/\/\/\\////\/\\\\\///\V [Link removed by mod, no advertising] ... Damn those mods are always gettin ya :) |
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05-19-2009, 02:37 PM
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#8 (permalink) |
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Groupie
Join Date: May 2009
Location: London
Posts: 4
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Loves reality (lyrics)
Loves reality
i think ive got to let you go set you free from my heart ive got to stop thinking about you ive got to stop dreaming for you and i dont know why you've got this effect on me when i see you my heart skips a beat and im wandering why wandering why got to come back to reality got to open my eyes and see whats really going on got to come out of my world got to face that your not mine and see your not in love with me i wander if you see how much i love you i wander if you know how much i care i need you to know the truth about it and the truth of my heartache the truth of my heartache got to come back to reality got to open my eyes and see whats really going on got to come out of my world got to face that your not mine and see your not in love with me |
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05-22-2009, 10:47 PM
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#9 (permalink) |
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young gun funyun
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Southern US
Posts: 166
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Love is a topic that needs few words to describe. If you add any more words, you have to be able to write like Cohen himself (writer of Hallelujah, Suzanne etc.). This is just one of those cases in which you have to be careful in what you say. I think the perfect example of a song along the same message as yours is Jon Foreman's 'My Love Goes Free'.
Although not in the same exact context as your song, he uses some very good, if not sometimes underused metaphors involved. Look up popular metaphors that follow along the same meaning as your song. The caged bird metaphor Jon uses is very applicable in this situation. Hope that helps you |
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