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Old 01-14-2010, 05:54 PM   #1 (permalink)
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So, here's a song by me You may not like it but it kind of has special meaning to me, so I decided to post it. It is my life motto turned into a song.

Smile

You can choose to hide
But you know, when you close your eyes, you’ll see
You can shut the door
But your fears soon will find you
There’s no hole in which you can hide
You can’t avoid what’s there
But you can pretend that all is well
And you’ll survive

If you smile at life
No one has to know how much you need to smile at all
Walk forward and smile
Don’t forget what you’re smiling for
And don’t forget to smile at all
Look into the sky and smile…

There’s no need to hide
There’s no need to explain your every move
If you have to lie
There’s no need for excuses
You can run but there’s no exit
Nowhere to hide from life
But if you pretend that all is well
You will survive

If you smile at life
No one has to know how much you need to smile at all
Walk forward and smile
Don’t forget what you’re smiling for
And don’t forget to smile at all
Look into the sky and smile…

Nothing is real in this world
You just have to live the lie we all live
And if you choose to deny
Everything changes…

Smile at life
No one has to know how much you need to smile at all
Walk forward and smile
Don’t forget what you’re smiling for
And don’t forget to smile at all
Look into the sky and smile…

Last edited by Scissorman; 12-20-2010 at 10:30 AM.
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I wish you would post the music to this. It's decent lyrics, but that's all it is to me so far. It would be nice if you posted a link to a youtube vid or whatever...

As for the lyrics, they're a bit repetetive, nothing special, but they're not so bad. I think that it's got a very focused point, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is that in a song, people have a tendancy to miss some lines, just because it usually goes by kinda fast. The bad part of that is that, just reading it, it doesn't seem have very much of a purpose. But that's not the end of the world. If the music is good, the song will be good. However, be warned, if the music isn't good, these lyrics aren't enough to make a good song all by themselves.
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:41 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I'd post a link to a youtube video, but, since I am still considered a new member, I'm afraid that people would take that as spamming. Anyway, this is a song by my band, Hyperdream, and my friend is a vocalist.
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Old 01-16-2010, 09:44 AM   #4 (permalink)
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So here is the song. It was recorded in my dorm room with a cheap mic and without any practice, the vocalist heard the song for the first time one hour before we started recording, so it's not perfect. Don't be too harsh. And If I'm not yet allowed to post this, I hope I'll manage to get away with just a warning since I'm kind of new at this

Last edited by Scissorman; 01-16-2010 at 03:57 PM.
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Old 01-16-2010, 07:29 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Okay, music is good enough. No question about that. Lyrics = OK, music = very good.
I really like your lead singer, and the fact that you use an acoustic guitar some of the time. It's correct to say that's it's not the best recording in the world, but even for a basic recording, it's better than what I normally do.
It can get a little repetitive at times, and the lead singer obviously hasn't practiced very much. But still. Great stuff.
I took the liberty of looking up some of your band's other stuff, and it's obvious you know what you're doing. In "Part of Me", I was having a lot of trouble understanding the lyrics, but somehow I think the music was more of the point. Very nice usage of the stringed instrument at the end. I thought that it was really cool.
Voices is you best song I've heard. You sound a lot like Nightwish, which is probably a bad thing because no two bands should have the same thing to say. On the other hand, you're as well-produced as Nightwish, which is most definitely a good thing.
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Old 01-16-2010, 07:33 PM   #6 (permalink)
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thanks
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Old 01-27-2010, 11:59 AM   #7 (permalink)
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So, here's another one

Voices

I told the voices to get out of my head
But they stayed
I told the secrets to get out of my life
They remained
If I keep waiting then for sure I know
Madness will come
If I keep running I know I will
Lose my way home
I told the voices to get out of my head
But they stayed
I told the secrets to get out of my life
They remained
I am not running I just wait for my madness
To come
I am not crying,
I just like to sit in silence

(I want to run away
somewhere far away
No one knows that I
Like to sit in silence)

How can you not hear all the voices of the lost souls
They are calling
yes they are calling
Can you help me
find my way, I'm lost
I want to go home,
I don't want to die alone

I told the memories I want them to stay here
With me
I told my story but nobody seems to think that
It's real
I am not running, I just wait for my madness
to come
You are my last chance
You’re all that I can count on
I told the memories I want them to stay here
With me
I told my story but nobody seems to think that
It's real
I am not running I just wait for my madness
To come
This is the time to say
I still need you

(You are the only one
who can help me now
I don't love you but
I still need you)

I know you hear them
somewhere deep inside
I know these voices that I hear are real
so tell me
can you hear the voices all around us
They are calling
yes they are calling
Can you help me
find my way, I'm lost
I want to go home,
I don't want to die alone

I told the voices to get out of my head
But they stayed
I told the secrets to get out of my life
They remained
If I keep waiting then for sure I know
Madness will come
If I keep running I know I will
Lose my way home
I told the voices to get out of my head
But they stayed
I told the secrets to get out of my life
They remained
I am not running I just wait for my madness
To come
I am not crying,
I just like to sit in silence

(I want to run away
somewhere far away
No one knows that I
Like to sit in silence)

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Old 01-27-2010, 03:55 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scissorman View Post
So, here's another one

Voices

I told the voices to get out of my head
But they stayed
I told the secrets to get out of my life
They remained
If I keep waiting then for sure I know
Madness will come
If I keep running I know I will
Lose my way home

Hi Scissorman,

I especially liked this faster-paced, shorter song, "Voices." I felt it did a good job showing the racing thoughts of someone hearing voices while going crazy. I liked the overall feeling of the song with its eerie, creepy quality.

I enjoyed the interesting synthesizer sounds (the "bloop, bloop, bloop" sounds...not sure how to describe them!), the beat, and the layering of the singer's faster, lower voice and higher angelic one. I recommend reducing the volume of the higher vocals slightly so that it is easier to understand the lower vocals.

While looking at your lyrics, I had wondered how the near rhymes would sound. I see you use a lot of internal vowel rhymes within words (such as "stayed" and "remained") and visual rhymes (such as "come" and "home"). I felt these help give cohesion to your lyrics. Also, I feel you changed the lyrics enough during the repetitions to avoid them feeling repetitive.
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If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:39 PM   #9 (permalink)
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thank you for taking your time to read and listen. I'm glad you liked it
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Old 03-07-2010, 11:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Well, this one is about the struggle between one's past and present, about someone being a new person with his old self haunting him. This is based on a personal experience

Part Of Me

What are you doing here?
You poor excuse for a soul!
I will never forgive for your sins
So be gone...

You're the one who made me ill
Why are you here
I don't want to see you
You're the rope around my neck
I know I can't breathe because of you

I want to leave you behind
but you hold me down

What are you doing here?
You're everything that I fear
Can't you understand
That I don't want to be you

I still hear you calling me
And I can't understand why you still hold me down
You are part of me but I cannot forgive you
And I can't explain what I feel...

I don't want to be alone
But I don't want to lie here beside you
You're the thorn inside my hart
I feel that I'm fading behind you

I want to leave you behind
but you hold me down

What are you doing here?
You poor excuse for a soul!
I will never forgive for your sins
So be gone...

as for the recording, this was, as all of my songs, recorded in my dorm room, and the vocalist was totally unprepared, so the recording quality is very poor and there's some off key singing, but it should give you clear enough picture to see how the song would actually sound like if I had money to finance a better recording environment....
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