adidasss

Sure, similar for me, I came out when I was 24. But in the meantime I went from thinking this is the worst thing that could have happened to me, to "accepting my lot in life" to gradually understanding there is nothing wrong with me so that by the time I was 24 I was ready to tell people because, while I was still quite worried about how they might react, I was no longer ashamed.

I imagine most gay people still go through something similar, especially coming from homophobic environments (like I did) but even more liberal ones.

So I'm thinking the time it took you to come out was obviously necessary, you were growing, even if you don't feel like you did. You weren't ready to do it at 15, and were strong enough at 20.

And sure, things might have been different, you (or I) could have been more self-assured, could have come out swinging at 12 years old ready to take on the world, and some queer people are like that. I could have also been a millionaire etc...

My point is, this is who you are, the time it took is the time it needed to take, hence why I generally don't have much regrets about anything (I guess that's a bit determinist?).

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“Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle.

Last.fm

Marie Monday

Maybe, I don't know. I think I could and should've come out sooner. Nothing much changed about my sexuality between 15 and 20, I had fully accepted myself and knew that the people around me would do the same (at least after high school). It was just the act of coming out which I kept procrastinating, a bit like an unpleasant task which you postpone until the last minute
How do you mean, social?

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ribbons

I believe that sexuality is determined by genetics and the environment (sociocultural factors).

I knew from a very young age that I was bisexual (even in kindergarten) - I just didn't know what to call it. My sexuality gradually formed to a "heterosexual" expression due to family and cultural expectations and conditioning.

adidasss

But why would you say it was an unpleasant task if you knew everyone around you would be cool about it? Sounds like you had some reservations. You say "at least after high school" meaning that during high school you didn't think you had a very positive and supporting environment? Is it time lost then if you were trying to save yourself the grief of possible bullying?

Also, coming out is one thing, but it wouldn't prevent you from exploring your sexuality (dating, having sex). I get that you weren't doing that either until after 20? Is that what you mean by time lost? If the above is correct, why wouldn't you be doing that if you were totally fine with everything?

It's just my opinion of course, but it seems to me your closet was like any other, you had some issues to deal with before you could come out of it and live your life fully.

But anyway, if you feel like you missed something, no one can change that. It's not a very long time "to miss". Some people spend most of their lives in the closet so...

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“Think of what a paradise this world would be if men were kind and wise.” - Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle.

Last.fm

WWWP

In my family there are now only two members that aren't queer in some capacity lol

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#DEMODFROWNLAND
#TERMLIMITSFORMODERATORS

Marie Monday

Well of course there's no such thing as a gay gene. I do think it likely that biology influences the likelyhood that someone will turn out gay though, just in a complex way. I guess that's what ribbons means?
It's more complex than that, I can't explain it well. I wasn't afraid of people knowing I was gay, it was having to tell them, I honestly don't know why that was such a problem except that it just feels unbearably awkward to me to have one of those 'I need to tell you something' moments, whatever it is about. (weirdly enough I don't mind casually oversharing, as you might have noticed ) There wasn't fear of bullying or homophobia in school either, just the knowledge that I'd be even more of a misfit and the subject of the latest gossip. Why I didn't explore my sexuality is a whole other story featuring a lot of social inhibitions. You're right that that's my main regret though

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ribbons

That's exactly what I meant but poorly articulated. Thanks, Marie.

Marie Monday

Not poorly articulated at all! Also I relate to what you said about your sexuality when you were in kindergarten: if I had known being gay was a thing back then I'd probably have come out when I was four. I'm actually amazed that some people around me didn't notice even then

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ribbons

Good - I hope that will mean more support for you and your new love.

There's quite a strain of hidden homosexual/bisexual history in my family. But it's considered negative and the butt of jokes, which I hate. An oft-told story is of one of my great uncles in Wales committing suicide while wearing a dress. Nothing about the tragedy of his suicide, just telling the story for laughs without a shred of sympathy for my great uncle. It disgusts me.

ribbons

I was in love with a girl in kindergarten who used to cry every day. I felt very protective of her and we became friends. I definitely had *stirrings* toward her. One day she told her of her longing to have a Barbie doll (I don't think her family had much money), so I actually took one of my sister's old Barbie dolls in a gold lamé dress and gave it to her to stop her from crying (my sister later found out the doll was missing and I had to confess, lol).