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Old 04-03-2009, 08:50 PM   #41 (permalink)
Registered Jimmy Rustler
 
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I like it. Now I think you should change the mediocre member to slightly above average member
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:59 PM   #42 (permalink)
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^Very, very true. Especially with vague poetry, but even with poems that are simple and that point is obvious. Everyone has their own interpretation.
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Old 04-11-2009, 12:47 AM   #43 (permalink)
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deleted.
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Last edited by Rubber; 09-25-2009 at 11:56 PM. Reason: bad piece is bad.
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Old 04-18-2009, 11:19 AM   #44 (permalink)
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is the big part supposed to be lyrics or is it a comment to your lyrics?
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Old 04-18-2009, 01:50 PM   #45 (permalink)
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it's just a continuation of the lines.
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Old 04-19-2009, 07:51 PM   #46 (permalink)
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open up and receive
the crackling of cardboard vessels
pulmonary and pure.
wiffle ball functioneer
of oxygen withdrawal.

doppelgängered from Han Solo mold
and so is sewn, the smiles of the bold

a ragtag firefly militia
to be massacred in the backyard
by jar armed juveniles.
exotic golden glow
extinguished
by the instruments of innocence.
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Old 04-20-2009, 06:23 PM   #47 (permalink)
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The second paragraph has no flow at all. I am sorry but those lyrics cannot be sung.

Even if it was poetry, it still lacks anything that would deem it so. It seems more like a cruddy letter written to someone.

But, whatever, to each his own.
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Old 04-20-2009, 06:37 PM   #48 (permalink)
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I can honestly say I really don't like this one at all. I'd disagree about it not being poetry, but it's still really bad. I'd delete it if I could.
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:17 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by holynapkin View Post
The second paragraph has no flow at all. I am sorry but those lyrics cannot be sung.

Even if it was poetry, it still lacks anything that would deem it so. It seems more like a cruddy letter written to someone.

But, whatever, to each his own.
shooot man, anything can be sung!
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Old 04-21-2009, 07:03 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubber View Post
I can honestly say I really don't like this one at all. I'd disagree about it not being poetry, but it's still really bad. I'd delete it if I could.
Would that be a request?
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