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Old 09-16-2009, 12:24 AM   #121 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Hello to all of you,

First...Nick, Ravenkin, and Rainfall...I want to let you know that I wrote replies to your comments (thank you for them!) in my previous post.

I was planning to share another vegan song relating to how people treat non-human animals, but I decided instead to post the lyrics of a song I finished last week about how people sometimes treat other people. I wrote "Garden" for anyone who has ever been betrayed or used in a relationship. This song makes me sad (and a little angry) when I sing it because it taps into experiences I had long ago.

ERICA'S MUSIC RATING SYSTEM rating (which I still post for AwwSugar in case she comes back) for "Garden" is RRR for "A Relationship song with References to Religion."

**************************************************

Garden” by Erica

Say what you will, I can still see your look,
catching my eye as I reached up and took,
plucked in my palm, the fruit from the tree
so you could share knowledge with me.

You were no Adam and I was no Eve
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, two as one, happily
if that meant you’d share knowledge with me.

Claim what you will, I can still feel your hand
pulling me gently down, sweet your demand,
juice from the fruit, the smile on your face,
as you offered me the first taste

saying, “Don’t bow your head, push that shyness away.
There’s no sin, there’s no guilt for which we have to pay,
no more shame, no more emptiness, longing or fear.
Believe in my love. I am here.”

Think what you will, I remember your word
given to me. I still know what I heard:
“Trust me,” you said, “I would never blame you
for something I wanted to do.”

And your promise of joy that this knowledge would bring,
the unknown, the allure, were so tantalizing,
I was caught in your lie, in your arms, didn’t see
the knowledge you sought was of me.

And your gentleness, strength coiled within, left me awed,
but I know now your caring was just a facade,
for you left me there broken where gardens once grew
and the snake in the bower was you.

For you were like God in the story of Eve
when you said it was my fault that I was naive,
though you knew I lacked knowledge of wrong and of right,
yet forbid the fruit you placed in sight.

Oh, you were like Adam – you left me to grieve
when you said it was my fault I chose to believe
though you ate of the fruit willingly, as did I,
not knowing your love was a lie.

I thought I was someone you’d never deceive
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, hand-in-hand, happily
if that meant you’d share knowledge with me.

Oh, you were no Adam and I was no Eve
when you said if we ever were told we must leave
we would go side-by-side, hand-in-hand, happily
for a lifetime of knowledge
with me.
Dearest Erica,

As difficult of a time I have with rhyming, I quite loved this poem.

I have one thing that I would personally fix, and I'm wondering if you like my idea as well. Instead of this:

Quote:
Think what you will, I remember your word
given to me. I still know what I heard:
“Trust me,” you said, “I would never blame you
for something I wanted to do.”
I would keep the rhythm, like this.

Quote:
Think what you will, I remember your word
given to me. I still know what I heard:
“Trust me,” you said, “I would never blame you.
Blame you for something I wanted to do.”
I'm not going to lie to you and say I read through the entire thing. I read about half. But I promise I will read the poem through. I might actually want to print it out, I quite like it.

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back and read this for you. Of all of your poetry that I have read, this is the one I can relate to the most.

I love you to death, and I'm heartbroken that you were thinking of me while I was being so careless.

Much Love (in a hearfelt letter-like post),

Sugar
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:02 AM   #122 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by AwwSugar View Post
Dearest Erica,

As difficult of a time I have with rhyming, I quite loved this poem.
I have one thing that I would personally fix, and I'm wondering if you like my idea as well. Instead of this:
I would keep the rhythm, like this.
I'm not going to lie to you and say I read through the entire thing. I read about half. But I promise I will read the poem through. I might actually want to print it out, I quite like it.
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to come back and read this for you. Of all of your poetry that I have read, this is the one I can relate to the most.
I love you to death, and I'm heartbroken that you were thinking of me while I was being so careless.

Much Love (in a hearfelt letter-like post),

Sugar
My Dear Sugar,

Thank you for visiting my thread again and for your suggestion about the rhythm of "Garden." I appreciate you reading (half) and thinking of something you'd recommend altering...but I hope you know I like you just as much even if you don't visit the thread! Don't worry--I haven't been feeling too, too, too, too, too, too, *too* terribly neglected. Still, it is nice to hear your feedback, much as I have now come to rely on The Unfan to ground me in reality. He is a good, harsh critic...almost as good as you!

And so I close,
as always,
with my brainfelt =@ affection,

--VeggiePants (aka Erica)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"

Last edited by VEGANGELICA; 09-16-2009 at 09:14 AM.
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Old 09-16-2009, 09:15 AM   #123 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
My Dear Sugar,

Thank you for visiting my thread again and for your suggestion about the rhythm of "Garden." I appreciate you reading (half) and thinking of something you'd recommend altering...but I hope you know I like you just as much even if you don't visit the thread! Don't worry--I haven't been feeling too, too, too, too, too, too, *too* terribly neglected. Still, it is nice to hear your feedback, much as I have now come to rely on The Unfan to ground me in reality. He is a good, harsh critic...almost as good as you!

And so I close,
as always,
with my brainfelt =@ affection,

--VeggiePants (aka Erica...oh! You remembered my name!!! I am touched)
Dear Erica,

Of course I would remember your name. And I'm glad Unfan is taking care of you... or something like that. [=

With my heartfelt boobs wearing a party hat <3,

SugaSuga xD
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Old 09-16-2009, 10:09 AM   #124 (permalink)
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Dear Erica,

I'm glad Unfan is taking care of you... or something like that. [=
Heh heh. Yes, something like that! I don't know what that Unfan is up to beyond ensuring he lives up to his name. He is the quintessential anti-fan. But his feedback is actually rather useful to me.

Quote:
With my heartfelt boobs wearing a party hat <3,

SugaSuga xD
Double heh heh! Oh! No literal pun intended, SugaSuga!

--Veg
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 09-16-2009, 10:13 AM   #125 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Heh heh. Yes, something like that! I don't know what that Unfan is up to beyond ensuring he lives up to his name. He is the quintessential anti-fan. But his feedback is actually rather useful to me.


Double heh heh! Oh! No literal pun intended, SugaSuga!

--Veg
I don't know Unfan well enough. I've only heard of him. I don't think we've ever exchanged words.

And I didn't get that joke. xD
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Old 09-22-2009, 08:51 AM   #126 (permalink)
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Default "PATH" lyrics

Hello MB songwriting section perusers,

Rather than give an introduction before presenting my new song as I usually do, I will give my main commentary afterwards. I think of "Path" as a neo-Folk children's song that aims to reach adults as well as children (kind of like "Puff the Magic Dragon").

------------------------------------------------------------

"Path" by Erica

A little child sat down by her father.
A question was troubling her:
“If I were different, would he still love me?”
So she asked to be sure.

Daddy, Daddy, what if I were adopted?
Would you still love me? Would it change your view?
No, no, the dad assured her, it wouldn’t.
I will always love you.

Daddy, Daddy, I don’t know how to read yet.
What if that's something I never learn to do?
And he answered, oh don’t you worry, Honey.
I will always love you.

Daddy, Daddy, what if my hair were shorter
and grew everywhere on me like beards grow on you?
If I were hairy all over, would you love me?
Yes, the dad smiled, I’d love you.

What could be in her thoughts?
What is this strange game she plays?
Asking questions, answers sought.
Who is she, who is she not?
And the path goes on and on...

Daddy, Daddy, what if I couldn’t pass
any classes in a school you sent me to?
If I weren’t so smart would you still love me?
He nodded. Yes, I’d always love you.

Daddy, Daddy, what if I had no hands
and they became hooves cloven in two?
If I couldn’t draw you pictures would you love me?
Yes, he said, I'll always love you.

Daddy, Daddy, what if my arms were legs
and I had four of them instead of just two?
I’m afraid maybe then you wouldn’t love me.
He chuckled, I will always love you.

What could be on her mind,
taking piece by piece away?
Add, subtract...what’s left behind?
Who will stay? Who will you find?
And the path goes on and on...

Daddy, Daddy, what if I had a tail
and my eyes were big and brown instead of light blue?
Would you still love me as much as you do now?
The dad laughed: I’ll always love you.

Oh Daddy, Daddy, what if I knew no words?
Would you still love me if I couldn’t talk with you?
The dad replied, I’d still know that you feel, Sweetie.
I would always love you.

A little child sat by a father.
Her fur was short and brown, her eyes brown, too.
She had four legs and a loving disposition
and when she looked up all she said was, “Moo.”

Oh child, child, little child,
oh child, little child, you got through.
Oh child, child, loving child,
I will always love you.

Oh child, child, little child,
oh child, little child, you got through.
Oh child, child, loving child,
I will always love you.

--------------------------------------------------------------

And here's my commentary:

As you see, I'm back to creating "vegangelica" (vegan songs that proselytize), but here I was trying to be sensitive to The Unfan's complaint that my songs are usually so stridently, obviously activist (which they are).

In "Path" I was trying to be subtle. I wanted to leave the reader wondering for just a couple stanzas at least what the point of the song was going to be, which probably becomes obvious halfway through. The meaning of the song is the same as in "Dichotomy," the first one I posted in my thread: both songs try to get people to question the separation they perceive or imagine between "animals" and "humans."

AwwSugar--I have not forgotten your comment (in your previous post)...and just in case you missed it, I explained my (not very funny) joke in a visitor message on your profile. Party on! <3
--Erica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 09-22-2009, 09:54 AM   #127 (permalink)
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I think u made alot of points,pretty amazing how our art seems to *** out in so many ways than one.My art comes from the heart when I write I feel as you sais n your script what do we know about Adam n Eve there has to be more than one story.That is how my mind go there is more than one script we can get out of our writings.Nice chatn with you email me back anytime from1 artist 2 another
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Old 09-22-2009, 10:53 AM   #128 (permalink)
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I think u made alot of points,pretty amazing how our art seems to *** out in so many ways than one.My art comes from the heart when I write I feel as you sais n your script what do we know about Adam n Eve there has to be more than one story.That is how my mind go there is more than one script we can get out of our writings.Nice chatn with you email me back anytime from1 artist 2 another
Hi Angela, thanks for stopping by to read! I agree with you that looking at and writing about some issue from different perspectives is interesting. My inspiration for writing also comes from my emotions as well as my observations about the world.

Say, I don't think you've introduced yourself to the MusicBanter community yet, which you can do down in the Introductions section. Also, if you want to share your own work, you can start your own songwriting thread here in the songwriting section!

Welcome to MB.

--Erica
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 09-22-2009, 11:44 AM   #129 (permalink)
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The comparison you're making here is blatantly stupid. In the given scenario regardless of what animal-like parts she has she'll always be the daughter, a direct offspring. This is totally different than the relationship we have between other animals. Paternal and maternal instincts use a different set of interests than the survivalist instincts we'd use to determine what animals should or shouldn't be eaten.
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:07 PM   #130 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by The Unfan View Post
The comparison you're making here is blatantly stupid. In the given scenario regardless of what animal-like parts she has she'll always be the daughter, a direct offspring. This is totally different than the relationship we have between other animals. Paternal and maternal instincts use a different set of interests than the survivalist instincts we'd use to determine what animals should or shouldn't be eaten.
Look, I'm usually what I'd call a fairly calm person. In fact, i rarely get truely mad about anything, but when I come to Vegangelica's thread, and the first thing i get to read is "The comparison you're making here is blatantly stupid", it just gets me really really REALLY pissed off. Vegangelica has a different view point from you. Get over it. Calling someones art, the expression of their SOULS, "blatantly stupid" is not only rude, but I think, a violation of the trust we as sharing artists expect in a forum for the sharing of art. It makes you look like a complete asshole and creates the kind of mood that we really don't need in this forum.

I understand that you're the Unfan, but hey, a little respect would be appreciated. I mean come on, you couldn't even find a better word for stupid? Take a while and look in the mirror, and then maybe we can talk. Regardless of whether or not you have a valid point in your post, the way you present it can mean a lot more than what you actually have to say. It took me a few readings to get to the point where i could actually see that you had some kind of logic behind your statement, until that point i just assumed you were a total jerk. Learn something.

Sorry Vegangelica....i knew you wouldn't get mad at him so i decided to do it for you.
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