TheLonelyKid

Umm hi.
I got bored today and I decided to write a (very bad) song. This is my first attempt at song-writing, a concept that struck me as interesting. I'm open to any criticism, be brutal with me if you want, as you can see I don't think much of it :P.

(Intro)
Ohhh, oh oh oh,
Ohhh, oh oh oh,

(Verse 1)
You can't imagine what I'm going through,
All the things that happen when I think of you,
You make me lose my mind,
How did I make such a find?
I gotta escape this place,
All of these haunting memories, I gotta erase.

(Bridge)
When you kiss me (baby),
When you touch me (baby),
When you love me (baby),
Please dont leave me (baby).

(Chorus)
I'm in love with your touch,
Everything about you, I like it so much,
I look into your eyes,
And I'm dragged deeper into my demise.

(Verse 2)
I can't help going back to you,
Everything always feels new.
You make me feel so good,
Doing things I never knew I could.
How do you do it baby?
Working some kind of magic maybe?

(Bridge)
When you kiss me (baby),
When you touch me (baby),
When you love me (baby),
Please don't leave me (Baby).

(Chorus)
I'm in love with your touch,
Everything about you, I like it so much,
I look into your eyes,
And I'm dragged deeper into my demise.

(Repeat Chorus, Fading Out)

I know it's pretty cheesy, but I'm not that imaginative. If you've made it this far without dying, thanks for wasting your time on me .

t3hplatyz0rz

As soon as you lost your respect for yourself, I lost my respect for you.
Confidence is the secret key. It is what separates amateurs from aces.
It is an ugly truth.
You talk about how bad you are, and then already you have something interesting. A hint of backstory.
Why do you think that's bad? I mean, it's not some sort of uber-creative masterpiece, but not a whole lot of stuff is. Honestly, it's somewhat uncreative, but that's not nearly your biggest problem.
This is your biggest problem. Cheer up. Or I'll kill you before you can kill yourself.

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primo

Yeh, I wouldn't say it's exactly original/creative stuff but it's not badly written. This could easily fit in with a lot of stuff that's on the radio..
t3hplatyz0rz makes a valid point, but I do know how you feel.. Initially I sort of restrained from writing songs despite wanting to try it out - because I thought what I would write sounded so corny and cringe-worthy. I've still only written several songs, but I'm a lot more confident with it, and post them on here in hope of getting constructive feedback to improve. Another thing that I find helps is really listening and dissecting lyrics of songs you like.. it gives you a good sense of how others structure a story/message and different techniques to communicate it.

Schememusic

yea its not badly written at all i hear a girl singing it

someonecompletelyrandom

It is decently written for the concept you've chosen, but the concept you've chosen is used to death. This sort of pop "I need you" stuff is very easy to write but is still a respectable choice for your first song, which you've succeeded in doing fairly well (atleast you didn't jump into a topic like drugs or alchohol like a lot of first timers). I say keep writing, I see potential there - 'specially since you've got a good sense of meter.

TumorAttitude

Dude, you should write about your feelings and frustrations towards YOURSELF.

Rawrbabble

Because everyone is always frustrated with themselves...what ever happened to writing songs with themes suggesting happiness?

I'm not taking anything away from you here, thats a great attempt at writing a song that shows 'true' meaning

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No. Your Wrong. So just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong. I always win, unless i get into a argument with my best friend...then she wins...she ALWAYS wins