Did you make it or fergie ur shorts?

I carefully managed to finish the song, then told the crowd I was taking a 5 minute break. First time that's ever happened.

Sounds like a shitty performance...

I am just full of bad jokes today..

Shitty situation.

Try the lobster...

This reminds me of the time when I saw Mr. Bungle and Mike Patton apologized for being late by explaining that Boston Chicken had given him diarrhea.

Tfw your friends and family like your fb profile pic but have no idea of the dirty pun behind it.

https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net...e4&oe=582D15B2

^I don't get it.

I know Brazzers is a porn site, but...you're strong to the finish?

I laughed so hard at this that I woke up my roommate.

:yeah:

I got seamen all ova my face.

^

Ah.

My aunt liked it on fb. :laughing:

I thought the pun was fairly obvz but apparently not.

Just might be the inspiration for his misuse of exclamation on FNM's cover of Easy.

TFW your toddler takes a giant wet poop all over someone else's nice carpet.

Coulda been your carpet.

My first instinct was to reply "I don't have any carpet"... but I think we all know the direction that would go.

Heh, carpet.

Let's discuss the benefits of using hardwood floors.

Hardwood floors and scaring the cat is always fun.

My childhood dog is, obviously enough, old. And he has arthritis in his hind legs. But he is still an energetic dog that tries to be as fast and quick as a young dog. The problem is that when he gets excited, the arthritis suddenly causes his legs to give out. And on hard wood floors this is hilarious. Cause they're slippery so he'll just fall down and bump his head.

Does anyone else find hardwoods useful when pretending to be Tom Cruise?

It's hard to run on hardwood floors.

How do you jump on "hardwoods" but not "carpet"? I'm gonna tell pansygayboy. Assuming that you're his type, of course.

I'm shocked. No "what are you 12?" snarky comment from you? This forum is becoming more accepting of dick and fart jokes. I like it.

I got 99 flaws but hypocrisy ain't one. The first post I made in the last two weeks was about wet poop. So yeah.

Damn, now i'm hungry.

... You take her/his virginity and don't call her/him back...

By the way, she still ain't text me back :(

Maybe it's just because you're ugly.

... or maybe she's just a whore, and he managed to get an STD just by losing his V.

FAIL.

Or maybe she was drunk and doesn't remember it.

Neither of you got my Spongebob reference.

Maybe he sucked in bed.

Or maybe she was sober and it was forgettable.

Or maybe he's so small it technically didn't happen.

I don't remember any Spongebob eps where he takes a girl's virginity.

:bonkhead:

Maybe he was too kinky.

Or not kinky enough.

Here's a crazy idea.. maybe he should text her to see what's up.

Oh that scene. I remember it but it didn't come to mind.

I'm fat. Sliding on slippery floors is not a good idea. I have a couch if I wanna go Cruising.