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Old 05-17-2009, 11:02 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Polyphonic, did i offend you in some way?
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Old 05-17-2009, 11:27 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Peach Dream

Quickly and endlessly it flows
along the clouds
the trees hang wildly
they whisper wisdom

It was Free
I was free
It was happy
I was happy

My Favorite Peach dream
it killed reality
i heard the colors
and i saw the sounds
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Old 05-17-2009, 12:23 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Then, Ago
“Those dead flowers will come back alive”
You said so happily
In a year you’ll be gone
But I remember
The time we went to church
And hid in the back room
Playing cards
Until we got caught
You just laughed

“Let’s find Ms. Holly’s tree”
I said so randomly
We stared into dim light
And you remember
The time we sat under the sky
Drawing pictures of clouds
You said mine
looked like a dog
Yours looked like my hand
“Let’s write a song”
we said together
it was about your blue hat
And we remember
“My hat is as blue as the sky
And my hair is as blonde as the dirt
My hat flew into the tree
I stepped on the flowers
My blue hat
My green shirt
Let’s never leave here”
Then, ago
This song is really personal so if you have tips or comments keep them away from the last verse
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Old 05-17-2009, 01:30 PM   #24 (permalink)
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I really like this one... it's simplicity gives it a down to earth feel, and it's unity keeps it all together. It had a feel good being sad effect on me...
thanx
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Old 05-17-2009, 01:32 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Are you talking about "Peach Dream" or "Then, Ago"?
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Old 05-17-2009, 04:25 PM   #26 (permalink)
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Rather nice (Then, Ago), It tells a story and it uses repetition rather cleverly. Now, you need to work on syllable count and rhyme. I use this rhyming dictionary sometimes when I write: Rhymezone.com -- The reason why this song is (in my opinion) better than the others I've seen is obviously because you had something important to say. When you write, it should be because you feel you have a story that you want people to hear -- put away the song for a week or two and then come back and sing it back to yourself once you've made all the tweeks to be had here. At that point, you'll be able to catch all the lines that you don't like or don't make sense.
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Old 05-18-2009, 06:28 AM   #27 (permalink)
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Thanks, man
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Old 05-18-2009, 09:02 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Default Sol y Luna (Sun and Moon)

La belleza dentro de la Tierra
The beauty within the Earth

Vendrá salvarnos
It will come to save to us

sálvenos, oh nos salvan
Save us, oh save us


La luz del sol y de la luna
The light of the sun and the moon

Nos dirigirá
it will guide us

Diríjanos, oh diríjanos
Guide us, oh guide us


This song i originally wrote in Spanish, the English translations are in blue. if you notice any typos please tell me.
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Old 05-18-2009, 02:43 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stone Birds View Post
Are you talking about "Peach Dream" or "Then, Ago"?
Then Ago was great dude
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Old 05-18-2009, 02:45 PM   #30 (permalink)
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thanks, how's your writing goin?
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