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Old 02-23-2010, 05:31 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VeggieLover View Post
It's important for me to remember to live NOW. "hows the way to cry" another personal reference, I literally had to teach myself to let myself be weak enough to cry, tho this could also refer to the general theme of desensitisation.

In this song, "beauty burns" literally means that beauty is capable of burning, that it can and will disappear if we continue to take it for granted. Beauty could catch on fire, and we'd probably just watch it burn instead of trying to save it.

If i replaced the second verse with:
"A new and fragile blossom
Greats the new day's sun
With tired eyes, taught to despise
The race we've got to run"
would that make the message more clear or more muddled?

Also, is the "yesterday" reference confusing to the intended theme of the song?
Thanks for the explanation, Veggie. I prefer the original second verse to the new one. The original ties in the description of autumn and feels more concrete than the option you write above. Plus, "the race we've got to run" sounds cliche to me. Your original verse sounds more childlike, more innocent. I remember catching leaves when they fall! I think I was 21 when I first looked at the trees and felt no real stirring of joy and amazement. Of course, I wrote a poem (a sonnet) about it.

I do feel your song works just as well and perhaps better without the "yesterday" reference, since that reference to the Beatles is such a strong one that it pulls my attention away from the topic of our inability to be sensitive to beauty and emotion.

How did you teach yourself to cry? No pins involved, I hope! Was it just a process of letting yourself relax and let down your guard?

I've always been able to cry fairly easily...when sad, dismayed, very relieved, and when angry. Being able to cry is a good release, I feel, because it is such a strong experience of emotion that might normally just simmer under the surface, not fully realized or appreciated.
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 02-27-2010, 12:42 PM   #52 (permalink)
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I actually wrote the verse with "the race we've got to run" before i wrote the one about pain, but I agree with you that the one you know as the "original" fits better.

When i was practicing this song last night, i switched the "yesterday" reference around a little bit... instead of repeating "yesterday my troubles seemed oh so far away," the second time i sang "while i wasn't looking the good times (or maybe beauty?) slipped away" When i sing it, it isn't in the same chord structure or melody as the beatles used, so it isn't as glaring as when it's being read.

And unfortunitely, there was a time when "pins" were involved my learning how to cry. Not the way to go about it, as I quickly learned (though, perhaps not quickly enough). Mostly I just have to constantly remind myself that it's ok to be vulnerable, especially around the people that love me (my parents especially). "learning to cry" has been (and will continue to be) more about learning to communicate and be honest with myself and my family more than anything else.
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Old 02-27-2010, 01:09 PM   #53 (permalink)
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New song! It's still pretty rough, but here it is. Despite the seriousness of topic, the chords ( G and Am something something mostly) are rather upbeat, and the lyrics a little bit humorous (all puns are intended!) tell me what you think
"I gotta bone to pick with you"

Hey whats up? How do ya do?
I've seen ya hangin' around.
Sit up straight, and wipe that grin
Right off'ya silly face
Cause I've gotta somethin', somethin' to say:
Death I've got a bone to pick with you

Well I've been thinkin' we could maybe get along
If you'd keep away;
Bundle up yer sickle and your deadly song
And treat my friends the same.
But if you're gonna laugh that way at me,
Death I've got a bone to pick with you

Well you've got certain sick kind of appeal
That I know can't, can't be real
Gotta find that fountain, the Sorcerer's Stone
Death you're gonna hav'ta leave me alone

You've taken way too many military men
And I can no longer hold my Daddy's hand
I kicked your ugly hands off'a my best friend
So death I gotta bone to pick with you
yes death I gotta bone to pick with you

Well you've got certain sick kind of appeal
That I know can't, can't be real
Gotta find that fountain, the Sorcerer's Stone
Death you're gonna hav'ta leave me alone
Just leave me alone
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
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Old 02-28-2010, 03:06 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VeggieLover View Post
New song! It's still pretty rough, but here it is. Despite the seriousness of topic, the chords ( G and Am something something mostly) are rather upbeat, and the lyrics a little bit humorous (all puns are intended!) tell me what you think
"I gotta bone to pick with you"

Hey whats up? How do ya do?
I've seen ya hangin' around.
Sit up straight, and wipe that grin
Right off'ya silly face
Cause I've gotta somethin', somethin' to say:
Death I've got a bone to pick with you

Well I've been thinkin' we could maybe get along
If you'd keep away;
Bundle up yer sickle and your deadly song
And treat my friends the same.
But if you're gonna laugh that way at me,
Death I've got a bone to pick with you

Well you've got certain sick kind of appeal
That I know can't, can't be real
Gotta find that fountain, the Sorcerer's Stone
Death you're gonna hav'ta leave me alone

You've taken way too many military men
And I can no longer hold my Daddy's hand
I kicked your ugly hands off'a my best friend
So death I gotta bone to pick with you
yes death I gotta bone to pick with you

Well you've got certain sick kind of appeal
That I know can't, can't be real
Gotta find that fountain, the Sorcerer's Stone
Death you're gonna hav'ta leave me alone
Just leave me alone
Cute song, Veggie! I do feel joking about death is actually a good way to make peace with it. So, it is nice to hear a non-serious (but underneath serious) song about death. Your song is also a nice, short length.

I'm always sad thinking about your dad. I like knowing enough about you to see some of the personal elements in, and inspiration for, your song.

The fountain refers to the fountain of youth, right? The Sorcerer's Stone...argh...all I can think of is Harry Potter! What's the story about the original sorcerer's stone?

Why can't the appeal of death be real? What do you feel is the sick sort of appeal of death? I felt a little as if these lines were used mostly because they rhyme, because when I try to think whether what they mean makes sense to me, I'm not sure. Is the appeal of death that it would end all life's troubles?

Your song reminds me of a German song I liked when I lived there. The German song was about troubles. The singer sings to his troubles (in German, so it all rhymes): "Good morning, my dear troubles. Are you also still here? Did you also sleep well?" You both use the same humorous technique of dealing with a serious, non-physical subject as if it were a person.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 03-02-2010, 07:46 AM   #55 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VEGANGELICA View Post
Cute song, Veggie! I do feel joking about death is actually a good way to make peace with it. So, it is nice to hear a non-serious (but underneath serious) song about death. Your song is also a nice, short length.

I'm always sad thinking about your dad. I like knowing enough about you to see some of the personal elements in, and inspiration for, your song.

The fountain refers to the fountain of youth, right? The Sorcerer's Stone...argh...all I can think of is Harry Potter! What's the story about the original sorcerer's stone?

Why can't the appeal of death be real? What do you feel is the sick sort of appeal of death? I felt a little as if these lines were used mostly because they rhyme, because when I try to think whether what they mean makes sense to me, I'm not sure. Is the appeal of death that it would end all life's troubles?

Your song reminds me of a German song I liked when I lived there. The German song was about troubles. The singer sings to his troubles (in German, so it all rhymes): "Good morning, my dear troubles. Are you also still here? Did you also sleep well?" You both use the same humorous technique of dealing with a serious, non-physical subject as if it were a person.
Do not dismay Vegangelica! This time your connection with popular lit. is correct, I was indeed refering to the sorcerer's stone from the first book, which is supposed to give the holder eternal life (and yes the fountain is the fountain of youth).

"You've got a certain sick kind of appeal, That i know can't, can't be real"
The line is supposed to express the appeal of death (perhaps even suicide) as an escape from the troubles of life. While this is indeed true, no one really knows what happens after we die (even though many of us pretend that we do). For all we know, we could have even bigger troubles after death. Also, the potential relief in dying, for a young healthy person, is outweighed by the incredible selfishness of that act (if done on purpose) and the grief ect. left behind. In short, death, while certainly appealing, isn't worth it (like drugs etc)

If you remember the name of the song I'd like to seek it out... it sounds interesting and I always (well, a lot of the time) enjoy listening to music from other cultures even if i have to rely on a rough online translation to understand the basic meaning of it.
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
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Old 03-02-2010, 04:29 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Do not dismay Vegangelica! This time your connection with popular lit. is correct, I was indeed refering to the sorcerer's stone from the first book, which is supposed to give the holder eternal life (and yes the fountain is the fountain of youth).

"You've got a certain sick kind of appeal, That i know can't, can't be real"
The line is supposed to express the appeal of death (perhaps even suicide) as an escape from the troubles of life. While this is indeed true, no one really knows what happens after we die (even though many of us pretend that we do). For all we know, we could have even bigger troubles after death. Also, the potential relief in dying, for a young healthy person, is outweighed by the incredible selfishness of that act (if done on purpose) and the grief ect. left behind. In short, death, while certainly appealing, isn't worth it (like drugs etc)

If you remember the name of the song I'd like to seek it out... it sounds interesting and I always (well, a lot of the time) enjoy listening to music from other cultures even if i have to rely on a rough online translation to understand the basic meaning of it.
Oh, good, Veggie...I was afraid I might incense you again by drawing a parallel between your song and a popular movie!

Hmm...bigger troubles *after* death. You know, I never actually considered that possibility! I've pretty much always felt that if there were *anything* after death other than oblivion (similar to what it felt like before I was born...that is, I had no awareness at all), then that would be a lucky thing. It would be quite a surprise to everyone if *all people* ended up feeling horrible in an afterlife. This is something new I haven't thought about!

I have saved you finger-work by finding that German song, "Guten Morgen, Liebe Sorgen." I'll post it up in the International Music section along with the German lyrics and my English translation a little later (I'm still working on the translation...my German is a little rusty). I haven't heard that song in a long time, so I enjoyed hunting it down!
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Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:36 PM   #57 (permalink)
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New song... not particularly good, but very indicative of my mood at the moment, and it will get me back into the MB swing. enjoy!



"Sweet Sixteen"

Tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Grow into knowing the truth
We're all tired.

Of loving, of crying, of strivin, of dying,
Of failing and winning, of trying; keep smiling.

Maybe a pillow
To rest in your eyes.
But wouldn't the blankets
Be made out of lies?

Still, I'm tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Tired, so tired, tired sixteen.

We all talk of heaven,
Of living again.
But I dream of nothing;
Is tired a sin?

Lets lie down.
Lay it down.
Cause tired, when tired,
it don't make a sound
Shhhh-- don't make a sound.

Tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Tired, so tired, tired sixteen.

Of loving, of crying, of fighting, of lying
Of sighing, of laughing, of being; Keep smiling
Keep smiling.

The video is below if you have facebook, you should be able to see it even if we're not friends, but idk, im new to this whole thing:

Sign Up for Facebook | Facebook
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"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."
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Old 04-28-2010, 03:38 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by VeggieLover View Post
New song... not particularly good, but very indicative of my mood at the moment, and it will get me back into the MB swing. enjoy!


"Sweet Sixteen"

Tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Tired, tired tired, tired sixteen.
Grow into knowing the truth
We're all tired.

Of loving, of crying, of strivin, of dying,
Of failing and winning, of trying; keep smiling.

etc.
Ah, VeggieLover, it sounds like the feeling of being jaded has hit you young!

I'll have to try to view your Facebook video. I can never remember my password so have to go look that up. Could you put it on your youtube page? Then you could easily share the song with everyone.

The only word change I recommend is getting rid of the "in" in these lines: "Maybe a pillow/ To rest in your eyes."

I thought about the suggestion in the song to keep on smiling. Do you mean being told by others to smile, or telling yourself to smile in spite of being tired of everything? I hate it when people tell others to smile, as if you have to be cheerful all the time.

However, cognitive therapy (I think) suggests that one way to feel better is to do the things you think you would if you were feeling better. So, for example, a person feeling depressed who doesn't want to go out would make herself take a walk in a park, or go watch a funny movie and pretend to laugh. Apparently, pretending to laugh and forcing yourself to do things you would if you felt better gets the seratonin levels up and helps improve your mood.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Neapolitan:
If a chicken was smart enough to be able to speak English and run in a geometric pattern, then I think it should be smart enough to dial 911 (999) before getting the axe, and scream to the operator, "Something must be done! Something must be done!"
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Old 04-28-2010, 06:01 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Thought that said Veggie Tales at first D:
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Old 04-29-2010, 01:37 AM   #60 (permalink)
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I think you're a fantastic lyricist. Would you mind giving my lyrics a quick overview? I think you'd like some of my ****. Keep writing, you're very good at it.
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