primo's Songwriting Thread

primo · 12-02-2009, 05:58 AM

I've never really written a full song; I think I hold back a lot of the time, as while I write I think my lyrics sounds corny.
But here's the first verse and chorus that i've written... Honest constructive criticism is greaty valued!

I'm so empty, while full of entropy
Just drownin in a pool of self-pity
It's my new state of consciousness
Leaking of what my life's missing
Well, have I lost everybody?
Nobody reaches out
Looks like it's time
to close the doors again

Chorus
I never really stopped waiting
for things to begin changing
I've always known, i'm the one
so what keeps me waiting?
I've gotta do something
before this train's derailing

12-02-2009, 05:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
primo Groupie Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 29	primo's Songwriting Thread I've never really written a full song; I think I hold back a lot of the time, as while I write I think my lyrics sounds corny. But here's the first verse and chorus that i've written... Honest constructive criticism is greaty valued! I'm so empty, while full of entropy Just drownin in a pool of self-pity It's my new state of consciousness Leaking of what my life's missing Well, have I lost everybody? Nobody reaches out Looks like it's time to close the doors again Chorus I never really stopped waiting for things to begin changing I've always known, i'm the one so what keeps me waiting? I've gotta do something before this train's derailing