Bec's Poetry Corner

CoolBec · 08-04-2013, 09:46 AM

I've wanted to start a poetry journal for sometime now. I don't write that much or that often, but the pieces I've done are all very personal and I'm pretty attached to some of them. At least maybe some of my writing will help people get to know me a little better.

I also plan to post some of my favorites by other people, and I hope everyone will feel free to add their own stuff. I'm very fond of love sonnets, especially the sapphic and erotic variety.

If you repost anything you see here, always give appropriate credit out of respect other people's intellectual property!

To get things started, here's a little something I wrote to the love of my life.

You should feel jealous, but you don't
Because you know I'd never hurt you
You should feel mad, but you don't
Because you know I didn't mean to
You should feel smothered, but you don't
Because you know how I crave your touch
You should feel slighted, but you don't
Because you know I love you so much
You know me too well

You shouldn't do all those little things, but you do
Because you know they melt my heart
You shouldn't accomodate me so, but you do
Because you know I hate being apart
You shouldn't even have given me a chance, but you did
Because you'd been hurt so bad before
You shouldn't have loved me back, but you did
Because you knew my soul was yours
You know me too well

by Becky P.

djchameleon · 08-04-2013, 01:12 PM

Nice poem but the only issue I see is with your tenses in the last two lines. You used past tense then the next line should be past tense as well.

CoolBec · 08-04-2013, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

Nice poem but the only issue I see is with your tenses in the last two lines. You used past tense then the next line should be past tense as well.

To explain as best I can DJ, this is not a past love, we are still together and she (yes, she) presently knows me better than anyone else in this world because of our shared past. Make sense??

In other words, I am speaking to her in the present about something that happened in the past.

She was a tough nut to crack because I caught her on the rebound (long story). That's what 4 of the last 5 lines of the poem refer to. Guess maybe it makes a little more sense if you know that.

CoolBec · 08-04-2013, 02:08 PM

Posted this earlier on Katsy's thread but I wanted to include it here too. It's not mine.

Love's Acolyte

Many have loved you with lips and fingers
And lain with you till the moon went out;
Many have brought you lover's gifts!
And some have left their dreams on your doorstep.

But I who am youth among your lovers
Come like an acolyte to worship,
My thirsting blood restrained by reverence,
My heart a wordless prayer.

The candles of desire are lighted,
I bow my head, afraid before you,
A mendicant who craves your bounty
Ashamed of what small gifts she brings.

Elsa Gidlow

djchameleon · 08-04-2013, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoolBec

To explain as best I can DJ, this is not a past love, we are still together and she (yes, she) presently knows me better than anyone else in this world because of our shared past. Make sense??

She knew you too well when she met you. That's why I feel that it should be past tense but it's your poem do as you like. :P

Just giving constructive criticism.

I used to have issues with switching tenses often throughout my work.

CoolBec · 08-04-2013, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

She knew you too well when she met you.

No..she didn't know me at all when she met me, and because of some issues she'd experienced at that time she was very reluctant to let me in. It wasn't until I, through much perseverance, proved that "my soul" was totally her's and no one else's that she finally let me in and "loved me back".

The catch phrase (or hook I guess you could call it) of the poem which is used at the end of both stanzas, represents how I've shown her more of myself than I've ever shown anyone else.

Anyway, guess from my point of view maybe I never realized how obfuscated my intent was, but the change of tense you see was done consciously and on purpose.

Quote:

I used to have issues with switching tenses often throughout my work.

Being as I'm a language arts major and a high school English teacher, I've got a fair grasp of the whole tense thing.

djchameleon · 08-04-2013, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CoolBec

Being as I'm a language arts major and a high school English teacher, I've got a fair grasp of the whole tense thing.

Boo, I hate your kind! lol

My high school English teachers made me hate English.

CoolBec · 08-04-2013, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by djchameleon

Boo, I hate your kind! lol

My high school English teachers made me hate English.

Oh my! I hope I'm not one of "those" English teachers DJ.

Don't feel too bad though...sometimes I'm not too fond of English myself.

CoolBec · 08-05-2013, 12:03 PM

Something with a little more spice?

Dance with me
by Becky P.

Dance with me
Our warmth intertwined
Breast to breast
Our hearts beat in time
Cheek to cheek
My lips find your neck
Thigh to thigh
Our hot souls connect

Dance with me
Our mouths gently kiss
Lips to lips
We both feel the bliss
Tongue to Tongue
My knees just went weak
Skin to skin
Your dampness I seek

Dance with me
Our passion is keyed
Sigh to sigh
My kiss finds your need
Breath to breath
You find your release
We begin again
Now it's your turn to please

~~butthead aka 216~~ · 08-05-2013, 02:04 PM

wow i like the sexual nature of that and i would read part 2 for sure

08-04-2013, 09:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
CoolBec Psycho Hosebeast Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Southeast U.S. Posts: 122	Bec's Poetry Corner I've wanted to start a poetry journal for sometime now. I don't write that much or that often, but the pieces I've done are all very personal and I'm pretty attached to some of them. At least maybe some of my writing will help people get to know me a little better. I also plan to post some of my favorites by other people, and I hope everyone will feel free to add their own stuff. I'm very fond of love sonnets, especially the sapphic and erotic variety. If you repost anything you see here, always give appropriate credit out of respect other people's intellectual property! To get things started, here's a little something I wrote to the love of my life. You should feel jealous, but you don't Because you know I'd never hurt you You should feel mad, but you don't Because you know I didn't mean to You should feel smothered, but you don't Because you know how I crave your touch You should feel slighted, but you don't Because you know I love you so much You know me too well You shouldn't do all those little things, but you do Because you know they melt my heart You shouldn't accomodate me so, but you do Because you know I hate being apart You shouldn't even have given me a chance, but you did Because you'd been hurt so bad before You shouldn't have loved me back, but you did Because you knew my soul was yours You know me too well by Becky P. Last edited by CoolBec; 08-05-2013 at 12:43 PM.

08-04-2013, 02:08 PM	#4 (permalink)
CoolBec Psycho Hosebeast Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Southeast U.S. Posts: 122	Posted this earlier on Katsy's thread but I wanted to include it here too. It's not mine. *Love's Acolyte* Many have loved you with lips and fingers And lain with you till the moon went out; Many have brought you lover's gifts! And some have left their dreams on your doorstep. But I who am youth among your lovers Come like an acolyte to worship, My thirsting blood restrained by reverence, My heart a wordless prayer. The candles of desire are lighted, I bow my head, afraid before you, A mendicant who craves your bounty Ashamed of what small gifts she brings. Elsa Gidlow Last edited by CoolBec; 08-04-2013 at 02:15 PM.

08-05-2013, 12:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
CoolBec Psycho Hosebeast Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Southeast U.S. Posts: 122	Something with a little more spice? *Dance with me* by Becky P. Dance with me Our warmth intertwined Breast to breast Our hearts beat in time Cheek to cheek My lips find your neck Thigh to thigh Our hot souls connect Dance with me Our mouths gently kiss Lips to lips We both feel the bliss Tongue to Tongue My knees just went weak Skin to skin Your dampness I seek Dance with me Our passion is keyed Sigh to sigh My kiss finds your need Breath to breath You find your release We begin again Now it's your turn to please

08-05-2013, 02:04 PM	#10 (permalink)
~~butthead aka 216~~ Account Disabled Join Date: Jun 2013 Location: freely swimmin thru the waters of glory much like a majestic bald eagle soars thru the skies Posts: 1,463	wow i like the sexual nature of that and i would read part 2 for sure